menu & pricing

Mindful Pokes

Safe toxic Cacatacea meditations are non-traditional and invasive, however they keep you alert and awake during meditations so that you can develop a thick skin and strengthen your spirit.

Camel Placenta Serum

Luxuriate in this invogorating placenta by slathering the hydrolyzed placenta aggresively into the skin.*

Cactacea Puncture Points

Rejuvinating, firming and lifting effects, Immediate results after a few days.*

Natural Selection

This safe venomous approach creates a divine swelling and redness. The goal is to achieve a healthy glow and expel toxins.*

Namaste Bodkin

Yoga with a cactus really centers your chakras and forces you to unravel your inner senses.

Grandiloquent Deal

Combine one with the other or combine 5 in addition to your previous services and recieve 25% discount for a limited time only. Not valid with any other offers.

O Cactus My Cactus!

For only $9.99 (very limited offer). Our mild-mannered service-cactus provide some of the most organic, unsterile, and non-evidence based therapeutic techniques. It is a bit of a prick, but don’t let that deter you from living in the present moment. Fix your forward neck posture today and feel your tensions lift away.

Mindful Pokes

Safe toxic Cacatacea meditations are non-traditional and invasive, however they keep you alert and awake during meditations so that you can develop a thick skin and strengthen your spirit.

Camel Placenta Serum

Luxuriate in this invogorating placenta by slathering the hydrolyzed placenta aggresively into the skin.*

Cactacea Puncture Points

Rejuvinating, firming and lifting effects, Immediate results after a few days.*

Natural Selection

This safe venomous approach creates a divine swelling and redness. The goal is to achieve a healthy glow and expel toxins.*

Namaste Bodkin

Yoga with a cactus really centers your chakras and forces you to unravel your inner senses.

Grandiloquent Deal

Combine one with the other or combine 5 in addition to your previous services and recieve 25% discount for a limited time only. Not valid with any other offers.

O Cactus My Cactus!

For only $9.99 (very limited offer). Our mild-mannered service-cactus provide some of the most organic, unsterile, and non-evidence based therapeutic techniques. It is a bit of a prick, but don’t let that deter you from living in the present moment. Fix your forward neck posture today and feel your tensions lift away.

It doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass

—Donald Trump